Why Not to Go There

Lately we have noticed that there are many "opportunities" (or imagined opportunities) in this world. Not all of them are a good idea. Almost by definition, we are faced with a rich ground of practice.

And so, upon reflection and conversation with Dharma Friends, the following list was born. It all sounds obvious, until you really need a reminder, or some skillful self-talk. Or some skillful other-talk.

Arguments Against Casual Sex

• I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.
• You go into it wanting some sort of connection, some depth of experience (otherwise you'd stay home and masturbate). If that's true, why pretend to trivialize things?
  
• Some people can get away with drinking. Others can't. By the same token, casual sex might work for some people. But not this one.
  
• What starts quickly (or disrespectfully, or mindlessly) ends quickly (or....).
• If you want to be close to someone, why not take the trouble to get to know them without complicating the situation with libido?
• There are other ways to experience intimacy. (Spiritual practitioners know this. In fact, I am starting to wonder if sexual yearning isn't a misidentified spiritual yearning.)
• Nobody has ever found this to be a path to respect or happiness--personal or interpersonal.
• It hasn't worked yet. Why would things change?
  

My Dharma friend also quoted these ideas from Reb Anderson:

• With more devotion comes less clinging; with less devotion comes more clinging.
• In every action, from eating lunch, to chatting with friends, to going to bed with someone, we should be motivated by what is best for all beings--that is: self; other; the world.